Whatever

Well, today, I discovered something about myself. I discovered that I have this thing about myself, that when I feel inferior, so to say, I tend to get this complex, where I must force myself to become superior than the person that is making me inferior, and I must prove to myself that I am greater than they. And that little problem has caused people to be driven away from me. And it is an unintentional thing that happens with me, and it caused me to lose every friend that I have ever had in my life, because over time, this "insecurity" has caused people to react in ways to respond to me, whether it is good or it is bad. And that causes a problem. Because those people that I face, that get "uneasy" around me, also tend to have the same insecurity about themselves, and must be always proving to the "world" that they are better than everyone else as well. When in actuality they are trying to satisfy the need to be acceptable, as can be found in one of my previous blogs.

I have this problem, and it causes people to dislike, to not enjoy my company. For example, the previous friends that I possessed from last June, to March of this year, they found my complex to be difficult to handle with, and dealt with it by preying upon and brutally bashing it, and hurting my esteem. And I, in my defense against this did not prey upon their own insecurity and instead took the beating. It was a doomed relationship from the start of the onset of the war. Not a mistake, however, there are always things to learn from the past, it is the only aide in determining, and facing the future's inevitability.

This complex, I believe has again caused people that I would have called friends to be driven from me, for these exact same reasons. Although, I do not know exactly what has occurred, I do know that I have done something to bring offense to particular parties in recent times, as to speak in the past month, that I have been so driven to reestablish relationship with the outside world once again, and it is a mistake that I may regret indefinitely, even though what I did I had know intention of doing, it just happened, and the past cannot be changed. I have lost twice in a period of less than a month, strange, and disparaging. I have, again, placed myself into a position of solitude, and absence of the world, a hermit, so to speak. A tradgedy, for me, but perhaps it will all come full fold one day for me, it is, perhaps, the only hope I possess for the future.

I am sorry for the depressing state of my blogs as of late, but there is nothing worthwhile and happy to blog about, like other people have. Perhaps it is best that my blog is not read by people.

I am so smart

Well, as I predicted, Jason Castro did get booted, I hate it when I'm right, but he wanted to go, you could tell, he'd just gotten to the point where he realized that he was not going to win, so he lost, oh well. Anyways, David Archuleta gets to come back to Utah, poor kid. I feel so freaking sorry for the poor guy, he's going to come home and give him this ridiculous greeting and then take him up in a hot air balloon? WTF? The poor kid gets a day of being surrounded by people he doesn't know, that are going to be doing everything to get his attention, and try to bug him. And then, on top of that, the time he gets with his family will be minimal, as he'll be more or less forced to do what the "fans" (they're more like vultures, or vampires) and the media want. And he wants to see his family, at least I would think he would want to. The media said that they will be following his entire trip, all day long, just so you can invade his private life, poor kid.

Anyways, other than feeling sorry for David, today has been excellent, I am feeling much better, and got to work, and other than an audit, work was wonderful, I got four vouchers, basically gift certificates to a Salt Lake Bees game that I am going to take four select friends to. In other words, I am taking Derek the Bean Jensen, Nathan Cunningham and if he will ever call me back, Don the Hoser Harsh. So, yay for me, and those lucky people. Well , end of blog, happy reading.

A Not So Cynical Approach

Last night was American Idol, who did not know that? Well, in the glory of my hatred for this part of the show, I will critique, think of me as Simon on Steroids. For starters, there were only two performances that were decent, Archuleta and Cook, and Archuleta drowned Cook in his own fluids, figuratively. As for the girl, Syesha, is it? hmph, does not matter. She did fine, that's it, she'll be gone next week. But, as Simon said this week, Jason will be packing his bags. He was the most horrible performance I have seen since the openings. He wants to be booted, he's trying to be booted, because he has accepted he will not win, and that pisses me off, he should be trying still, yet, he's not because he's lost faith in himself and sees little point in continuing to fight the tyrants Archuleta and Cook. He's gone, finally, I wanted him gone a long time ago. He's a little prick. Anyways, Archuleta did well, very well, but it wasn't my favorite performance, none of them were. Anyways, that's the end of my not-so-mean American Idol update, I had to prove to you that I could do it, so there.

Check It Out

Well, other than being sick and incapacitated from work, today, I have been busy with taking my pooch to the Veternarian, for her split paw. I have done my blog elsewhere: www.cncgeneralswaw.blogspot.com, the official blog of my Command and Conquer Generals: Zero Hour Modification, and I have been busy with that all day. So, check it out, my only reader. Oh, and if someone would come along and put me out of my misery, I am sick of having the stomach flu.

Titles suck

Well, I need to blog today, for one person to read. Oy. . . . Well, today has been a very uneventful day, I went to work and checked on the astroturf that I was digesting. Yes, astroturf. There has been a scare with lead in astroturf lately, it's a load of poo, but it's making me money, lot's of it. Four samples at a hundred plus a pop is good money :-) Well, what I did was go and check on the samples, and got them started decanting, or in burger terms, filtering. The samples didn't completely digest, meaning, in burger terms, they didn't get ate by the acid and made into a liquid, so I had to filter off the big pieces. It was a whole forty minutes of joy.

In other news, my stepmom brought home a kitty cat for her work. I had Kowloons for dinner and found out that my oldest stepsister has discovered her inner Lesbian. Oh, and I have no friends. But other than that, it's been very very boring, as I attempt futilely to gain attention. . . The joys of your inner depressed state. . . WIIIIII! And that be all. Have fun. Oh, and I have still decided I am a loser

Title

I have officially decided that I am a loser. The end.








oh. . . . That was odd. . . . Maybe not. . . . Ehhhh. . . . Who cares?. . . . Yes, I am talking to myself while I blog and I am writing it down, so shoot me. . . . This is an odd night. . . . You think that people will think I'm stoned if I keep blogging like this? . . . .Odd. . . . zippity do da zippity ay. . . . Bleh. . . . What a wonderful day. . . . Zippity . . . . Do. . . . Da. . . .bleh. . . . Loser . . . . hmph. . . . Peaches. . . . Bombs. . . . Nitroglycerin. . . . Monkeys. . . . Missy. . . . Stupid people are stupid. . . . Jamien. . . . Dead? .. . . Hopefully. . . . Russia. . . . Germany. . . . Monkeys. . . . Zippity do da. . . . Noah Bennett. . . . Sylar. . . . Marth. . . .cool. . . . Mario. . . . Zackary. . . .Pierce. . . . James. . . . Mark. . . . Adam. . . . Everett. . . . Spencer. . . . William. . . . Donald. . . . Charles. . . . Arthur. . . . Eiren. . . . Ewan. . . . Gerik. . . . Simon . . . . AMelia. .. . Sonya. . . . Percival .. . . Poop. . . . I am a loser. . . . Random random. . . .Rabble rabble rabble. .. . Monkeybutt. . . . I . . . .

Check out the official blog for my mod: cncgeneralswaw.blogspot.com. That's all for today. And I still am cynical towards American Idol.