Whatever

Well, today, I discovered something about myself. I discovered that I have this thing about myself, that when I feel inferior, so to say, I tend to get this complex, where I must force myself to become superior than the person that is making me inferior, and I must prove to myself that I am greater than they. And that little problem has caused people to be driven away from me. And it is an unintentional thing that happens with me, and it caused me to lose every friend that I have ever had in my life, because over time, this "insecurity" has caused people to react in ways to respond to me, whether it is good or it is bad. And that causes a problem. Because those people that I face, that get "uneasy" around me, also tend to have the same insecurity about themselves, and must be always proving to the "world" that they are better than everyone else as well. When in actuality they are trying to satisfy the need to be acceptable, as can be found in one of my previous blogs.

I have this problem, and it causes people to dislike, to not enjoy my company. For example, the previous friends that I possessed from last June, to March of this year, they found my complex to be difficult to handle with, and dealt with it by preying upon and brutally bashing it, and hurting my esteem. And I, in my defense against this did not prey upon their own insecurity and instead took the beating. It was a doomed relationship from the start of the onset of the war. Not a mistake, however, there are always things to learn from the past, it is the only aide in determining, and facing the future's inevitability.

This complex, I believe has again caused people that I would have called friends to be driven from me, for these exact same reasons. Although, I do not know exactly what has occurred, I do know that I have done something to bring offense to particular parties in recent times, as to speak in the past month, that I have been so driven to reestablish relationship with the outside world once again, and it is a mistake that I may regret indefinitely, even though what I did I had know intention of doing, it just happened, and the past cannot be changed. I have lost twice in a period of less than a month, strange, and disparaging. I have, again, placed myself into a position of solitude, and absence of the world, a hermit, so to speak. A tradgedy, for me, but perhaps it will all come full fold one day for me, it is, perhaps, the only hope I possess for the future.

I am sorry for the depressing state of my blogs as of late, but there is nothing worthwhile and happy to blog about, like other people have. Perhaps it is best that my blog is not read by people.