Makeup

First up, sorry for no post yesterday. Second up, blog.

It has come to my attention, at a most scrupulous time that something ignominious is about to happen to me in the very near future. Although, what is going to happen is a great and wonderful thing, I cannot help at the same time to dread the events that will tranispire. What am I speaking about, you may ask? I cannot deny that I am hesitant to speak of these matters, for the persons I would not want to read this, will soon do that very act, yet I have no where else to vehement what has bothered me thus these past while. I ask only one thing, this is to be read, and only read.

Over the past month, I have been able to bring several significant changes in my life, from completely replacing my ring of friends to decide to impart upon a journey for two years away from family or friend, to deciding what I am and who I shall be. But, one important and difficult inevitablilty is coming, something that I cannot prevent, that I fear for the consequences that may arise from these encroaching events when it comes to my own personal mindset.

Two years is a significant amount of time, and time is far too short, at least it is for me. I have only recently started over with something so great in my life, and I have two months to enjoy it, and then it is no longer mine. Sure, things may go back to the way they were before it dissappears, but it will not be the same, of this I am guaranteed.

I have been robbed, robbed of my chances to get what I want, to perform the things that I need to do. I have been robbed of my time to be fellowshipped. I have been robbed of this, all because of my ignominity, my shear idiocy. Only I am to blame for my actions that have led me to this winding course of ignominity.

As of the previous evening, I became aware of what has happened. I have allowed myself to lose sight that I have no time. I will lose that what I have searched for all my life, and when I think I have finally succeeded, again I find myself robbed of it because of time. Time, that god forsaken curse, that ruined things before. For almost two years, I tried to beat time, by finding a new source, a source that satiated me, but ran dry for other reasons. Am I to be always driven by this curse, this forsaken dream that one day I shall not be robbed of when I succeed.

God, do I thus implore you, give me time, time to enjoy what I have finally succeeded in accomplishing this, before I am wrong. Father, I ask for that which I always have tried to have, what I have always needed, what has prevented me from seeking the other things in life. Please, let me not lose again.